:: m u m s l u t ::Get your filthy hands off me you sick pervert
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:: Monday, October 28, 2002 ::
Well perhaps so, but there are rivals to be found in the real world of pornography, for example 'Playmate of the Apes'. If anyone wants to see this they've got it in the Solihull branch of Blockbuster, on the same shelf as the less cleverly titled 'Erotic Tomb Raider'.:: Saturday, October 26, 2002 ::
"Shitty Titty Gang Bang" is the greatest made up porn film title of all time, according to official sources.:: Friday, October 25, 2002 ::
A pissed up old Irish bloke asked me for directions yesterday, but not before calling me a fucking bastard in time honoured tradition.:: Monday, October 21, 2002 ::
Has anyone confirmed that Richard Stilgoe is still alive? I fear that Cat's rambling testimony may not be absolutely reliable. If he had passed away (Richard Stilgoe, not Cat) I am sure I would have felt something - like a disturbance in the Force.
I should point out at this juncture that the links down the left hand side of the page are nothing to do with me whatsoever apart from 'Ask a Drunk' which doesn't work because I am to computers what Princess Di's chauffeur was to driving. Please look at them and tell me if any of them are any good, as I want to put some links in of my own to some stupid crap, and there may not be room for them all. I would look myself, but as I stated earlier it's S Club week, so naturally time is of the essence.
Someone told me that the new Coldplay video is shit, and it is, but it does force home a very important message: always wear a seatbelt.
They say that if you pay peanuts you get monkeys, and that's very true. Mind you, I was only after someone to sit in a tree, throw fruit and defecate on people's heads so it happily proved to be a satisfactory arrangement for all concerned.
Sometimes Samantha Mumba looks quite cute, at other times like she has a moustache. It's all very confusing.
It's S Club week on the Smash Hits Digital TV channel this week, (Channel 451) so no need to waste money on going out for the next seven days.:: Wednesday, October 16, 2002 ::
Lordy Lordy. It certainly will do, Cat, and I'll thank you for not suggesting that I am a paedophile if you'd be so kind. Why you are calling yourself David Hasselhoff isn't immediately clear, but in all honesty, at the end of the day is there anybody that wouldn't be him given the chance?:: Tuesday, October 15, 2002 ::
I cannot believe that Pablo reckons that Avril is a poor mans Buffy. I've never met Avril and I probably never will, but I know that if I do, she'll look a lot nicer than Buffy (who funnily enough, I've not met either) because her nose isn't as weird.
My dreams are never as exciting as Pablos, what with his brown hamster loving. I did manage to force myself to dream about Avril Lavigne the other night though, which I was chuffed to bits with. That was until I found out that in this dream, she was only 17 and in the army (a young private benjamin if you will). We were best mates, hanging round the mall, whooping a lot and picking off innocent shoppers with some ruddy excellent sniper shots. Everything was great until I foolishly challenged the young lady to an arm wrestle, where the bitch beat me rather too easily. I got the hump and refused to speak to her ever again - then I woke up. It has been on my mind the last couple of days, because I never want me and ol' Avril not to be friends. I'm gonna force myself to think about her before I go sleep tonight in the hope that she appear once more and we can kiss and make up.
I've just realised that i've put my name down as David Hasselhoff and i don't want it to be anymore. I've made a horrendous mistake and i don't know how to rectify it. Fuck.
Clusters are my favourite type of cereal. Shredded wheat is my least favourite. Will this do, PaedoPablo?:: Monday, October 14, 2002 ::
Don't take that as a green light to swear randomly at me. On second thoughts, go for your life, get it out of your system.
I'd completely forgotten, but the other day an old man called me a bastard for no reason whatsoever, other than he thought I was a bastard. Far from being offended, I felt quite uplifted by the experience.
If you haven't seen it you'll just have to take my word for it, but the new official Kylie Minogue calendar is shit hot. And there I was thinking she's getting a bit past it.
The only song about a hamster I know is the confusingly titled 'Fuzzy Birds' by the Super Furry Animals, but it doesn't go on a journey of any sort as far as I recall. Or go in a shed.
The other night I dreamt about going on a long journey, across mountains and through valleys, traversing rivers and endless rolling hills, accompanied solely by a brown hamster. Eventually, the hamster ran into a shed, from which I could not retrieve it. Although I was upset at first, my spirits lifted when I realised that it was nothing personal, and the hamster wished to travel no more and live a simple life, in a shed.:: Thursday, October 10, 2002 ::
When I'm out and about, which isn't often, I think about all sorts of clever and exciting things to put on the site. Then I come home, sit down and type in this bollocks.
'Some things I just won't do' trills lovely Holly Valance on her catchy new phonograph 'Down Boy'. 'What things?' I bet you're all wondering - panic not, little friends, for Mumslut has the answers.:: Sunday, October 06, 2002 ::
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