:: m u m s l u t ::

Get your filthy hands off me you sick pervert
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:: Saturday, July 27, 2002 ::

If you enjoy people talking a lot of pointless bollocks - and I know I do - be sure to visit ask a drunk. It just shows what wonders you can dig up when looking for the Ormskirk Catfish, who incidentally I might ask to contribute to the site, as he'll probably be more forthcoming than Catboy. For those of you interested in Cat's whereabouts, he is probably driving to random locations across the East Midlands in his Fiesta Ghia as we speak.
:: super 6:05:00 PM [+] ::
Mumslut TV, now there's a thought. I can picture it now: 'Mumslut Variety Hour' hosted by Gail Porter and the Ormskirk Catfish.
:: super 12:14:00 PM [+] ::
Yes Ted, Mark Lawrenson has shaved his tache off, but now he presumably realises that he still looks like a cunt, he may as well grow it back again.
:: super 12:13:00 PM [+] ::
Whilst we've got an aquatic vibe going, there's a great story on teletext (page 124 if you're quick) about a seven foot catfish terrorising wildfowl in Ormskirk, Lancashire. It's thought to weigh about 24 stones (that's the equivalent of two really fat ten year old children), although exactly how it has been terrorising swans and the like is anyone's guess. I craved to know more, obviously, and a surf of the internet inevitably provided fuck all, bar this fascinating forum that discusses the subject of monster catfish in general.
:: super 12:11:00 PM [+] ::
Rhonda, don't feel bad, the world of fish is a harsh one and sometimes you just have to step aside and let nature take your little ones away. That said, I was a bit pissed off when the other fish I bought at the same time as Johann carked it within less than 24 hours, living barely long enough to get a name - Small Terry.
:: super 11:48:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, July 24, 2002 ::
'....honing her talent in numerous clubs, hotels and theatres around the country, where she supported everyone from Jim Davidson to Bobby Davro'. And to think of those in between! Duncan Norvelle....The Krankies....Gary Wilmot...the Great Soprendo. None of whom are fit to lick the boots of Paul and Barry Chuckle.

:: super 6:32:00 PM [+] ::
If you haven't got Sky Digital get yourself round to the house of a more forward thinking friend that has and INSIST that he lets you watch channel 455. Why it's Vibe TV of course, the hot new channel which is devoted SOLELY to showcasing the talents of new superstar Angelle. She may sound (and look a bit like) a porn actress, but she's ACTUALLY a great new singing starlet. Watch out for highlights such as 'Angelle in concert' (which looks like Angelle miming in the old Wogan studio infront of about 8 people) and the hard hitting Paul King interview ('What's the album like then?'). There's also a super spanking website chock full of banal crap. Check out the wallpaper - it's triffic. She's also an ex-Louise backing singer - if that isn't a GUARANTEE of satisfaction, then I don't know what is.
:: super 6:22:00 PM [+] ::
Rob, Dysons are brilliant and Henrys are low rent shite.
:: super 6:12:00 PM [+] ::
My fish, Fernando, died this morning. There's no need to be sad though, as I bought a replacement within hours - who shall be known as Johann.
:: super 3:18:00 PM [+] ::
My Dyson broke the other day, but don't panic, I've ordered a spare part and it will be as right as rain in no time.
:: super 3:16:00 PM [+] ::
Dead Kenny, I believe that this is a case of a word transcending its original meaning, to come to mean something else entirely. In this case, if I think of the word 'cunt' I think of many things before I think of female genitalia (specifically the vagina or 'fanny'), even if that is the word's literal meaning. Dennis Wise would be one of them, along with Danny Baker, Robbie Williams and Phil Collins. Although none of these are female genitalia, you'd be hard pressed to argue that they are not all cunts. Do you see?

We're trawling the depths now, make no mistake.
:: super 3:15:00 PM [+] ::
Less of your Robbie Savage baiting, Arseblogger. His ill deserved reputation stems from the Justin Edinburgh incident, so Gunners fans should worship him like the golden god that he is. Not that I give a toss either way, now that he's fucked off to Brum.
:: super 3:07:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, July 21, 2002 ::
A big 'ow do?! to Rhonda, a special visitor to the site, as not only does she appear to be a Yankee Doodle Dandy, she even posted a message, which presumably means she's no twat. I thought she was a nutter at first, but is perhaps just a little careless with the old keyboard skills. She appreciates a good swear and you can gain an insight into her life and loves and gawp with envy at her tattoos at very black, whatever that's all about.
:: super 5:57:00 PM [+] ::
Dennis Wise is a cunt, for those of you who weren't already aware.
:: super 5:49:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, July 15, 2002 ::
There's a picture on this here page that truly does say it all.
:: super 8:00:00 PM [+] ::
Nothing at all. It's merely so that you can distinguish me from all of the other Pablos that you know.
:: super 7:53:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, July 14, 2002 ::
No sign of any contributions from Cat, the lazy fuck.
:: super 8:17:00 PM [+] ::
But I did see Foxes LEGEND Ian Marshall in Anstey (slightly backward village on fringe of Leicester, East Midlands provincial backwater) apparently coming out of the off licence. He had the kids in his jeep - maybe he was keeping them stocked up with Lamberts and cans of Special Brew. Or perhaps just coke and crisps.
:: super 8:14:00 PM [+] ::
Somebody dumped a rabbit hutch outside my front door last night. How fucking ignorant can you get? Particularly as it is very obviously the same rabbit hutch that has been in next door but one's yard for the last two years. No rabbit sadly, so not even the consolation of a pagan sacrifice to brighten up my Sunday.
:: super 8:09:00 PM [+] ::
:: Thursday, July 11, 2002 ::
Eifel 65, very quiet recently. Any thoughts?
:: super 6:16:00 PM [+] ::
In answer to Arseblogger's question - and what a very good question it was - he is neither, yet at the same time, both. Do you see?
:: super 6:15:00 PM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, July 10, 2002 ::
Those of you that can be arsed to remember will recall that once upon a time there was another contributor to the phenomenon that is Mumslut, a Mr Bonobo Bambino, who has since fucked off to grow a jazz beard and attempt to raise standards with his own site, which he hasn't managed, obviously. What our regular viewers (all 3 of you) may not be aware of is that in the beginning there were three knights of truth and justice selected to grace this portal with our intellect and endless wisdom. The third, who shall be known to you as Catboy, has never yet contributed to the site, presumably because he couldn't be arsed. However, I know that he has things to say that he cannot keep to himself no more - things to say to you, you feckless wankers - that you'll want to hear. So play a prolonged monotone on your kazoo, destroy a much loved family heirloom and hurl a Burton's Wagon Wheel at the sun, and you may just tempt him from his burrow. And then you'll be sworn at LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SWORN AT BEFORE.
:: super 6:52:00 PM [+] ::
The response to the Dooby duck request has been pitiful, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
:: super 6:37:00 PM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 ::
Did you mean mom slut? asks Google. Well did you? DID YOU?
:: super 10:08:00 PM [+] ::
I found that while trying to find some webshite on Dooby Duck's Disco Bus. There's plenty of crap on Bod, and that twat Mr Ben, but does old Dooby and his mates get a look in? Do they fuck. If anyone saw the one with the crap mouse puppet with a fixed grin doing 'Blockbuster' by the Sweet, they would agree that the programme was a thing of wonder that should be treasured FOR ALL ETERNITY. If anyone knows of any good Dooby sites, don't keep it to yourself.
:: super 9:47:00 PM [+] ::
If anyone deserves a link it's this daft bastard, mr spoon, it's chock full of exactly the sort of stupid crap that keeps me going.
:: super 9:02:00 PM [+] ::
Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? I don't fucking know.
:: super 8:42:00 PM [+] ::

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