:: m u m s l u t ::

Get your filthy hands off me you sick pervert
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:: Friday, November 29, 2002 ::

Which Robbie song makes you wish you were dead the most? The ones that get me reaching for the prozac in particular are 'Millenium', 'Let Me Entertain You' and 'Rock D.J'.
:: super 11:45:00 PM [+] ::
Why is Robbie Williams popular? I've no idea, but perhaps you know someone who does. From where I'm standing he seems to be absolutely shit, with no redeeming features at all, but perhaps I'm missing something - it wouldn't be the first time.

In fact, he is such a cunt that he makes me despise Elton John less. I fucking hate Phil Collins as much as ever though.
:: super 11:42:00 PM [+] ::
The 'Al' in Al Qaeda is short for Alan, who used to run a cash and carry on Aylestone Road. Alan still dabbles in the cash and carry game, but has become somewhat disillusioned of late by the direction his partner Osama has taken the business in.
:: super 11:36:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, November 17, 2002 ::
Judging by the stats for Mumslut, the Cheeky Girls are creating a storm of interest, if not a maelstrom. Ooh, cheeky cheeky.
:: super 11:23:00 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, November 13, 2002 ::
Of course I'm joking. I've never seen Planet of the Apes. What do you think I am? Some sort of cunt?
:: super 8:37:00 PM [+] ::
Am I the only one who found Helena Bonham Carter dressed as a monkey in Planet of the Apes oddly attractive?
:: super 8:36:00 PM [+] ::
It's a while since I've done a product recommendation, so it is with particular gusto I can wholeheartedly endorse purchase of Haze aerosol air freshener. Its bold claim of a '2 in 1 action' neutralizing odours AND leaving the air smelling fresh is no idle boast - it's actually true. It passed the toughest test possible in the gents loo where I work - a small room with no windows and a broken extractor fan, which now smells as sweet as Sarah Cawood, but without the underlying smell of fag smoke.

p.s. I work in a premises that has a gents loo - I don't actually work in a public convenience, or even a private one for that matter.
:: super 8:29:00 PM [+] ::
Yes indeed Dickie, I can but dream.
:: super 8:17:00 PM [+] ::
'We are the cheeky girls! You are the cheeky boys!' cry the Cheeky Girls on their rather bizarrely titled 'Cheeky Song (Touch my Bum)'. I've no idea who these people are or what they want but at a guess I'd say they are asylum seekers, and frankly they make the Vengaboys seem cerebral. Could they be the saviours of the music industry?
:: super 8:16:00 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, November 12, 2002 ::
One creature in no need of genetic engineering is TV's Sarah Cawood, although I wouldn't mind passing on some of my own DNA to her if you know what I mean. She seems to be everywhere at the moment, no bad thing, her latest televisual triumph being Celebrity Bargain Hunt. There's no place to go when you've reached the top.
:: super 9:46:00 PM [+] ::
Talking of genetic engineering, I had a brilliant idea today for a new sort of pet - a super sized domestic cat, about the size of an alsatian or golden retriever, but fatter. It's so simple why anyone has never thought of it before I've no idea. Why domestic cats have been bred over the centuries to be small is beyond me. I have a normal sized cat, and frankly I would like it a lot more if it was about six times bigger, and less miserable, but presumably genetic engineering could make them cheer up a bit as well.

I expect to gain sponsorship for this ambitious project from Whiskas, Good Girl cat treats and all leading wool manufacturers. I will name this new animal simply 'big cat'.

People are always droning on about the evils of genetic engineering, so it's about time it was put to good use to benefit us all. If anyone else can think of any animals that they would like inventing, let's hear 'em.
:: super 9:33:00 PM [+] ::
If you work in a genetic engineering laboratory, attempting to breed a fox with Norman Wisdom's face that has bat's wings and spits acid at people sitting in pavement cafes, don't you think it's high time that you took a good hard look at yourself and questioned whether what you're doing has any real value?
:: super 9:21:00 PM [+] ::
:: Monday, November 11, 2002 ::
pablo is a pedagogical low/pablo is a much better dancer than sally/pablo is generally considered the greatest melodica player in reggae history/pablo is grateful for the care he receives at the children's home/pablo is now following a new path as a full time missionary

Well fuck me, it's all true as well

:: super 9:46:00 PM [+] ::
Sorry for the lack of posts, so many truffles, so little time.
:: super 9:40:00 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, November 03, 2002 ::
WHO is Pablo?
:: Boney 8:56:00 PM [+] ::
And now I am going to enjoy a bottle of real ale.
:: super 6:47:00 PM [+] ::
For many years I believed that the truffles you buy in Thorntons are the same as the ones that pigs root around for in woodland. I can confirm that they are not, if anyone else is similarly confused.
:: super 6:46:00 PM [+] ::
Looking resplendant in her yellow sweater, green body warmer and trousers, with legs seemingly cut off at the knees, the Yes Car Credit girl could steal anyone's heart, particularly as she always says 'yes'. To nice people, anyway.
:: super 6:37:00 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday, November 02, 2002 ::
Why the fuck would anybody want to keep anything that belonged to Princess Di anyway? It'd all go straight in the skip if I got my hands on it.
:: super 10:52:00 PM [+] ::
Someone should tell Avril Lavigne that if you have a thin face you shouldn't go overboard with the black eyeliner as you will end up looking like a skull.

If I owned a shopping mall and Avril and her fucking geeky mates came in and wreaked havoc I'd have them all tarred and feathered. Then I'd kick them in the mouth.
:: super 10:47:00 PM [+] ::
Fireworks are for retards, but at the same time it is important to keep fireworks away from retards whenever practically possible.
:: super 10:41:00 PM [+] ::
Worse things happen at sea:

For example

1) Scurvy
2) Shark Attack
3) Buggered by deckhand
4) Sick in apple barrel
5) Nutella sandwich stolen by gull
6) Sweetbreads crushed by falling mast
:: super 10:39:00 PM [+] ::

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Comments by: YACCS